EarthDay 20, New Season 1,
Letter 3
Dear Anchor-
Finally, we talked last night while you worked. I feel a change happening inside. Something I’ve wanted; to see beyond the externals of women, beyond physical beauty and instinct, to empathize, to be friends. Oneness without sexuality.
My fear you now ask. Several fears, I suppose. One that as the initial fire fades, will you snuff out the glowing ember? Or will you fan it and put a little tinder to it? I fear you will say, “Oh, that was interesting. Did you see that little flash and sparkle?” then move on to some other diversion. I agonize at the thought of such a temporary, momentary fling. It makes it all mind perversion to me. Mere toys bumping into each other before their springs spin loose. I sense a danger.
Fear #2: Seeing the dangers and risks, you panic and run. Our friendship calls for courage, trust, patience. Things neither of us are strong on. We’ve been beat up too many times by the world. We instead are fearful, skeptical, and impatient. If you run or withdraw, I’m afraid of the loss I’ll feel, blaming myself and my foolishness. Too much, too fast.
Fear #3: It’ll go sour eventually. A disagreement over a petty issue and off we go sulking with our glass jaws broken. You know we’re vulnerable to even marshmallow punches if delivered at the right spot. Can I over look the hurt when it comes?
Fear #4: I’m imagining these things to justify some subliminal instinctive animal attraction. No, please don’t let it be so putrid! The feelings and emotions were so tender. Oh wicked devils, don’t drag it through the mire. Don’t pour filth on jewels that shine. Let her be my sister, not a mind mistress. Not a play thing, an evil pleasure.
Questions Where does this lead — happiness or sorrow? or both sweet and sour. Do I reach out and pull the plug on life support and let the patient struggle to breath unfiltered reality? Purer or dead? Should I never see my sister for fear of harming her accidentally?
Love- Driver
[Note: Driver destroyed letter #3 before sending it.]